and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize