wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
