haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
