i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
