I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize