wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
