I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
