OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
