Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize