Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
