I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
