I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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