I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
