margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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