she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
