Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
