so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
