I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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