We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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