mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
