Will you blow on my dice?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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