I'm really into asian looking animals
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize