She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
