i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
