I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
