WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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