vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
