i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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