Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
