imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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