im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize