Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
