I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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