??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
