I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize