can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
