Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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