Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
