Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
