I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
