carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
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