Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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