Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
