Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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