I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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