Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
