She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
