I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
