you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
