Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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