you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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