Girls should come with a carfax report
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
