I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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