Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
