I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
True college students do jello shots in the library
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