Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
