he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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