If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize