Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I enjoy the company of your penis
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