You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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