Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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