If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
