She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
