i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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