Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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