Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
