I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
