the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i out mim tonsoeep
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
