Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
