I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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