ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
