The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
